This is getting tougher!!!

I haven't written in a while because I have been sick. Anyone who knows me knows that this cold was like a truck hitting me. With the sickness I haven't been able to go to the gym and I am honestly kind of scared. I haven't been in a week and I am afraid because it has been so easy to not go that I will just not go again ever. We all have patterns and mine is to kind of start giving up when it seems easier to just give up than to keep trying. The other thing is my fridge isn't working well so I had to turn it off so the repair guy can look at it to see if it can be fixed. (more money). So tonight instead of cooking because I would have to go thru coolers of food, we went to the mall. Xavier needed new shoes for school so it was a good excuse. So the mall has all kind of draws for me of which shopping isn't one of those things, its actually the food and soda. Whenever I go to the mall I would get a Diet Coke from Mcd's and the I would have Taco Bell and when we left I would get a pretzel. So now when I go to the mall it is really hard to not think about those things. We did do Taco Bell and it is nice that they have the calorie content so I actually didn't do so bad at that. Then because they serve soda I had to try to find something that wasn't soda and didn't have a million calories. I have learned that alot of "diet" drinks have more than 100 calories and that's such a waste of good calories. I could have another taco for that and alittle more, LOL. Honestly it was hard to walk past Mcd's and not get a Diet Coke. There was a part of me that wondered if I would still like it or if it would really be such a bad thing for me to get one. Truthfully it wouldn't be a "bad" thing but it would be me giving up on  a goal. I found some diet Snapple tea and I actually enjoyed it with my tacos.We did our shopping that we needed and when it was time to go the thought to get a pretzel went through my head. It really is funny the things that I associate with different places. Anytime we go on a trip I plan all the places we are going to eat and how to get to them and then I look for a hotel and how to get there. I have priorities. As I walked thru the mall all those thoughts came to mind and then I started thinking about how careful I was at Taco Bell, not as good as I could have been but I didn't exceed my calorie count. I just think about the past when I wouldn't have thought about any of those things. It really is easier with the calories posted but I also looked it at and realized how easy it was for me to go there and eat almost 2500 calories at one meal and then get a pretzel and that tonight I ate under 700 calories. That made me feel good.. It would have just been a ritualistic kind of trip. I know that this is just part of a journey and I will have alot of these little milestones I hope. I am also trying to remember where I don't want to go especially in my head!!
  I am going to dinner tomorrow night with some friends and I actually started to get worried as I looked at the menu of the place where we are going because I am afraid I will cave and just get what I think I want.I am doing like I have learned and I am trying to preplan in my head what I might get. I am actually very picky so my choices are usually pretty limited and usually what I like is the fattening high calorie stuff. So with tonight being a success at Taco Bell, although I actually wish I hadn't eaten it but I needed something different and to prove I could do it and be ok.
 Well this week is coming to a close and the weigh in looms over my head and I am kind of afraid because I haven't been to the gym and I had Taco Bell (even though I was pretty good). I hope just the fact that I was sick and that I was being careful will reflect in my numbers. I can sense alot of the people at church losing their motivation and I don't want to lose it but I can also sense it in myself. I want everyone to just keep exctied at this weight loss adventure. Keep me in your prayers and I'll be letting everyone know soon how things go. Thanks for the encouragement and please don't be afraid to keep it up because I need it.!!!!!!!