Is this worth it?????

I am sorry I haven't posted for a couple of days but it has been busy. Wednesday's are hard because I barely get home and make dinner then it is time to go to church and then yesterday I worked 11-900pm and then had to pick Xavier up at school from a basketball game, so I really didn't feel like writing and honestly I have been kind of cranky the last couple of days. I was not able to make it to the gym either Wed. or Thurs. and I am really feeling the affects tonight. I did make it to the gym tonight and was there for a long time and I felt so much better (yes I said it) after I worked out. I couldn't believe how stiff I was after not working out. I really really hope for a good loss this week!!!
 They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. I have been doing this for 27 days relatively speaking. I am not sure if I have really made this a habit because a habit becomes something you really like or want to do and I still don't like it or want to do it I just know I have to. I think that when you are trying to break  your self of something and you try to figure out why you do it, it is going to take longer than 21 days! I have spent several years trying to figure out why I stay at the weight I have been for so long. I haven't had any trauma that makes me hold on to fat. I am not depressed. I am stressed but that's life these days, and it doesn't cause me to eat anymore than usual. I thought maybe I had some hidden reason to eat but honestly I am pretty sure the reason I eat is because I really like food. I think the closest correlation I have is the fact I have been alone for so many years and food has become my boyfriend. It really has become a love affair. I love the way food smells and tastes and looks. I find comfort in eating something not necessarily fattening but just some kind of food. IF you think about it this is how food has been my boyfriend for so long. It is always there. It keeps me company when I am alone. I have to spend money on it but no matter what I always get what I want and if it leaves (I eat it) I can just make something more. Diet Coke was my flowers brought by my boyfriend. It all went hand in hand. In my real life relationships that I have actually had I always gave the guy everything. ( I am talking about men now not food) and hardly every did I get the same in return. Granted I have really only had 2 relationships but I also think it is has helped me realize that what I thought I wanted in a relationship I found in food. I have realized this before but never really said it. I don't use my relationships as an excuse to eat but I am just making a comparison to the love I think I feel for food that I have never had from a man. SOOOOO with that all being said like the relationships that have been broken off I have made a clearer break from food and Diet Coke. When I have lost in relationships I have been strong and realized I am capable of being on my own and that a man isn't going to complete my life. Neither is food. It isn't there to keep me company or take the place of love I can't seem to find. It is necessary for life but not necessary to replace what I think is missing. So it's been 27 days and my break up with food and Diet Coke is still new and the pain is still there. I miss some foods and for those who know me well I really miss Diet Coke. There are places I go that I used to go to with food and Diet Coke, and when I am there that longing to have those old feelings, those old companions I just have to realize like a man I don't need it. I may want it but now is not the time. I need to make sure this continues to be a clean break. People have said why give up Diet Coke but I realize that I have some real habits that I need to control. I need to do this for me. I spend alot of time on others and this is finally something I can control and most importantly I can show my son that changing your life for the better (like getting rid of old boyfriends just kidding)is really the most important thing. I have to be the best example to him and I know that at the weight I am currently and the love affair he and I both have for food I am not showing him how he can be his best in life and health and have a healthy long life. I have to take it slow and make sure he realizes the importance of a right kind of relationship with food!! I hope I can do this!! Thanks for your support and prayers please keep it coming!!!