What doesn't kill you........

Today was a really tough day!! I had pretty much decided I was getting a stomach bug. I woke up around 300am, and spent about 1/2 hour in the bathroom praying not to throw up and I had horrible stomach pains. After sitting there for a while I decided to try to go back to bed and it seems just as I fell asleep my alarm to get up to go to work went off. Still not feeling so hot I spent the morning trying to tell myself its all in my head because so many people I knew had had the bug but no one I had really been around. So I picked up my stuff for work and I even grabbed my gym bag thinking if I felt better as the day went on I would try to go to the gym but I had already determined I was only going to do 20 minutes on the elliptical even after telling myself I was going for the most time I had ever gone for. But I didn't feel good so that's all that mattered. Well I ate breakfast and it was during our staff meeting in which 2 nurses who work with us in the OR but are also in the Air National Guard, spoke about their life in reserve and It was a great talk except for the pics of eyes(I am getting nauseous just talking about it) needless to say my stomach was still questionable. I went ahead and went to my OR room and we proceeded to have a good day and I was feeling ok, but.............. I was feeling really tired and the last time I went to the gym as tired as I was I had a horrible work out. So on the yellow tube of death (the shuttle from our parking lot to the hospital for those who don't know, its a big yellow school bus with scary drivers), I had talked myself out of going. Maybe I will just go home and take a nap before I go and maybe that will help but I also knew if I did I wouldn't go. Well with that being said I thought well if I go late then I will be up late because after I exercise like most people I have some energy. SO that was out! I'll just go home. But then I thought you know what, if I can't do it I'll just do what I can and go home at least I tried. So I got to the gym and sat in the parking lot hoping Dolvett would come out and drag my butt into the gym but then I thought I would never be able to make it thru a workout for him so that of course wasn't going to happen. So I posted on Facebook my dilemma of just sitting in my car at the gym trying to figure out if I could really have any energy to even walk into the gym. It seemed like immediately people were writing and me and encouraging me to just do it. So I got out of the car and headed in and because I was so tired I was super stiff and I am sure I looked like someone who was miserable and well like a fat girl going to the gym! LOL!!!
  I did go into the gym and I did actually do my entire circuit of weights and I actually upped each machine by 10 reps. The title of this post comes from a song I downloaded because I have a theme in my workout music about being strong and I had seen the song on a commercial. The song had the word stronger in it and it was song by Kelli Clarkson and when I downloaded the song I wasn't sure but the song says "what doesn't kill you makes your stronger, stand alittle taller, doesn't mean I am lonely when I'm alone, what doesn't kill you makes a fighter, footsteps even lighter...." Even though the song is about a relationship I really feel like it has become one of my theme songs. Believe me I have many and they all have to do with being stronger but today when I felt like I couldn't do it I turned that song on and actually played it a couple of times along with Matthew West Strong enough where he sings "I can do all things through Christ who give me strength".  I didn't make it to 40 minutes on the elliptical but I did make it to 34 and I had burned almost 400 calories!I know I should have been able to do those last 6 minutes but I really was afraid I might throw up, but I did do it!!
  Well that isn't the best part..... When I got back into the car I opened facebook, as I was trying to catch my breath, and then I saw all the posts from people who have already been so encouraging and I started to cry. It was really touching to see so many people really behind me and giving me the strength to just do the things I set my mind to but talk myself out of. I had the thought today that maybe this time next year all those people will be saying "look at all the weight you've lost.. remember the struggle you went thru!!" I really do hope that will be what's said!