Leg crossing....

I know that is a weird title to my post but it came to me tonight at church. I was noticing how most of the skinnier women in church all had their legs crossed. You know one knee over the other. This is something I have NEVER been able to do and have always thought I wanted too. They all do it with such ease and they look comfortable. I guess when you are skinny you don't think about things you can't do because of your size. You never hear of a skinny person breaking a chair or getting stuck in the airplane bathroom. As a fat girl those things are constantly going thru my mind. I watch the girls I work with crawl around on the ground and get down on their knees to do something in the OR and I think about how much my knees hurt when I get on the floor because I am putting so much weight on them. I can do it if I have something soft to kneel on and if there is something close by that I can use to get myself up off the floor. Then there is the being able to get out of a seat on an airplane or at a show or something and having to step over people and worrying about falling on them of honestly if you smell because of your fat. No matter how much you take care of things that's always a worry. Do skinny people have those worries? I look at skinny people and see the things they do with such ease that I have to try to figure out the easiest, least painful, least embarrassing way to do something. Am I the only one that thinks of these things. The crossing of the legs things is something that I am striving for. I know it is a weird thing to think about but it's one of those things that I have always wanted to do and be able to do it with ease.
  I am getting ready to go away for the weekend to spend time with friends I haven't seen in years but when we were together it was always laughter and fun and I am looking forward to catching up. I haven't and I am not really worrying about the eating situation. I am just looking forward to having some girl time. It was reassuring to have my friend Amy post on my facebook that they had checked out skinny taste for me and were prepared if need be. That means so much to me. It also means so much to me to have the support I do and please keep it coming because those words and feeling keep me going. I can't tell you how much it means to me. As I sit here crying because I wish I could express myself better when it comes to this but I do want you to know that your words often just give the push to not give in and to go to the gym and to continue to eat better than I have.
 This weekend is also my birthday and it is when I turn 42 and it really gives me a year to be fabulous at 42 so I hope it is something I can achieve. I think with the changes I have made and continue to make and with the support of everyone I can do this. I doubt it somedays but I really think I can do this. So keep me in your thoughts and prayers this weekend because it would be cool to come back and have lost some weight even though I wasn't home. Thanks again and I will post when I get back. Wish me luck!!!