How come.........??

How come? Every day I hear my self saying that to many different things. How come I can't be rich or at least be able to pay my bills? How come I keep watching American Idol even though I hate it!!?? How come I can't enjoy exercise? How come people can be so hurtful? I don't know the answer to alot of the questions I wonder about. I do know that one question I find myself asking is how come I let myself get to this point that I am having to make all these changes in my life and writing about it? What brought this writing on is during my trip to Pennsylvania I flew, which I love to do but having to ask the flight attendant for a seat belt extender is not one of favorite things to do. No matter how discreetly I try to ask it somehow becomes a big production. How come? I know I am not the first fat person to fly. I often wonder if they think that making it more humiliating will make me want to lose weight?  Normally I dont' mind flying short flights because I know I can pee before I get on the plane and be ok and not have to worry about using the bathroom on the plane. I also always pick a window seat so I know if someone ends up sitting with me I would have to crawl over them and that isn't easy to do. I don't pour over into the other seat when someone is sitting with me so I keep hoping that people will not mind so much sitting with me. On the last flight back they plane wasn't completely full and I had picked a row with just me in it, but I guess during the time I had picked my seat the plane started filling up. So just as we were to leave this man got on the plane, he was actually the last person on the plane and when he saw that the seat he was assigned was next to me he looked like the world had come to an end. He kept looking back and forth to see if there was another empty seat and fortunately for him and me there was an empty seat. He asked the flight attendant if he could sit the empty seat and she obliged. The funny thing to me is that he was a black guy and most of the time black guys don't mind being around me. I had not had that treatment in a very long time. I can actually say I have never had someone look at me that way. It was a first for me. I have always been heavy but never let it bother me and usually if someone says something or looks at me funny I make a comment and honestly I wanted to find this guy when we got off the plane and ask him if I totally grossed him out and why he felt so strongly about not sitting in the same aisle as my. I do have to be honest and say I have looked at people who were my size or bigger and thought things that I shouldn't have. How come?
 So now my question is how come I can't lose this weight quicker? I am doing all I can and the mere fact I got below 280 for the first time in at least 10 years has been a huge motivation and also a big scare. Now I am worried about gaining it back and also what if I can't lose more? All those things keep bringing me back to how come I let myself get here? I think I am on the right track but I am afraid that I will fail and I don't want to. I want this time more than any other time to be the time I do this. I don't care about the total in the end I just want to get to a healthier weight and be a better example as a mom.