I haven't written this week because I am honestly afraid of a few things. First I am afraid people are going to stop reading because I am boring complaining about the things that are happening to me in the stupid weight loss thing. Secondly I am afraid if I talk about things that are really affecting me I am just going to sabotage myself. I know that people keep telling me that they are reading and following me and that they love it when I post but do they really? I think that people think I am not going to keep up with things which is most likely true, but I really don't want to give up. The thought did cross my mind this week. I really thought about giving up. I keep feeling like nothing is moving. I know I have lost 17.7 lbs. but it just seems like nothing and now after just a 0.3lbs last week I honestly am feeling defeated. I worked my butt off last week and that was what I had to show for it. I have taken the things into account that people have told me about how to switch things up and what works for them and I have tried to implement some of those things into my routine. I have changed up my workout.I have tried different things with food. I have tried to figure out what might not be the best things for me to eat and how to workout. I again this week have busted my butt in the gym but I have been so tired everyday and I don't understand it, and I am afraid it's not helping.
I know people tell me not to worry about the number but I have to. I don't know how you can weigh what I weigh and not think about the numbers. I used to weigh myself everyday and I have gone from doing that to waiting until Sunday. I keep thinking maybe if I did weigh myself more often I wouldn't have the anxiety that I have come Sunday. I don't know that anxiety is the word to use but there is certainly a level of excitement and apprehension. These last 2 weeks have been even more of a worry for me. I really would like to get past the number 280 but I realize that worrying about it and hoping it would happen may really be keeping me from getting there.
I went out on Tues. to a Mexican restaurant and I was kind of disappointed that I wasted the calories I did on the food I had. I keep thinking that maybe I am eating too much or not enough,but I writing down everything I eat so I know some days I don't make it to my calories and some days I do. I haven't gone over but I have had days where I forget to completely enter my food but I remember what I ate and it's within my calories. There has to be something I can do to make this go along in the right direction. I feel like the best thing for me to do is just keep doing what I am doing instead of switching it up. I did keep telling myself last weekend that a loss is a loss but it's really hard to keep doing that. I really hope this week is going to be a good week for me. I really hope that all the work I am doing will eventually kick in and show results and most of all I really hope I don't give up. I come home everyday and think I don't want to work out or eat what is good for me but I do end up working out and eating what is right for me I am just afraid it's not enough. OH how I ramble about this but all these things go thru my head. I just wished thinking about it burned more fat and calories!!
I again want to thank all those who continue to support me and I hope I can continue to get your support. I can feel so many people behind me and what I am trying to do. I just really hope I can continue to do it. I know with your support and encouragement that I can continue on. I just hope this week is a loss. Thanks again.
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