about 40 days.....

The cool thing about 40 days is that it is a month away and that gives me time. You may ask for what and the fact is my mom is taking me and Xavier to Mexico!! I am very excited to get away and relax!! This has been a few stressful weeks for me for different reasons. I dont' really need to get into it because there are other friends and family who are going thru things much worse than what I am experiencing and I don't want to complain. SO I won't!! I will say I am hoping that maybe the stress will not store fat but get rid of it!! I am so excited to be going away to relax, My mom asked me today if I was going to exercise on our vacation and I had to think about it. Isn't that funny. I had actually already thought about what workout wear I was going to bring and how I was going to fit my sneakers into my suitcase. In the past I would look at a vacation as a time to just be free of not worrying about exercise or what I eat. I have to honestly say I am kind of worried about the whole food thing. I know on this trip I will be thinking of the fact that I want to take many more vacations and to feel free and good about how I feel and look.
 As you know we are starting the Biggest Loser summer edition at church and I feel like I want to take it serious because the summer is going to be an easier time I think to do things and keep motivated but honestly the first thing I associate with summer is food!! It is when food seems to taste so good.Grilling, fruit, fresh veggies,and so much more. Fortunately most summer food CAN be good for you but I also find that in my frame of mind that because it is "good" for you I can eat as much as I want!! I think that was what I was doing with Subway. I had said in my last post that I was only going to get 6inch subs from now on. Well I went to Subway Monday night and guess what it was nice out and I hadn't eaten since 11am and it was 730 so I got a foot long. The funny thing is my friend Alison's daughter works there and she had read my blog and she tried to say "hey you said....." and I was like i know but.... and I still got it and ate it and I felt like poo after not because it was really bad for me but because I had gone back on one of the things I had promised myself. Thanks Emily for trying to keep me honest and on track!! So tonight Xavier had drivers ed until 8 and my mom and I had gone shopping and had a lovely time (I think), but we both hated most things we tried on because we are both at weights where we want things to look good but nothing looks great! We got some stuff but I wish she had found more. My mom has lost a ton of weight since last winter and I am so proud of her. I hope that some day soon we can both get into much smaller sizes when we go shopping. I can tell my mom is starting to feel somewhat better. I just want her to be able to do more things and I want to be able to do more too.
 I know I am kind of rambling but today I was leaving work and I saw this really heavy woman walking in to the hospital carrying all kinds of McDonalds food and drinks. She could hardly breath and I wanted to stop her and tell her she would feel so much better if she didn't eat it!! I know being a fat girl no one really wants to hear that from someone. It really does have to come from with in you!! I have noticed that so much more this time than any other time in my dieting career. I say career because it really becomes a job. If it was really my job I would have been fired a long time ago. I am thinking my work ethic in this whole dieting thing has gotten better, but I am still working my way up the ladder. I have had Mcd's but not like I used to and I still am very conscientious about what I eat. I have learned that I can still have things and be careful but not over do it! I think that's one of the biggest lessons I have not only learned but have tried to live by and that is I don't have to deprive myself but I have to think before I eat!! I hope people are still reading and still understand how much their support means to me!! I hope I have some good results in the next few weeks that I can share with everyone.