Isn't it funny......??

So today is Sunday and that means weigh in day!! This is what they call on the Biggest loser and I have said it here before the dreaded week 2. I titled this week Isn't it funny because I always think that no matter what I do it's going to be the worst. All week I had decided that every time I eat I had eaten too much or the wrong thing even though I knew what I was eating was what I should be eating but I had this fatty bloaty feeling!! I felt like every time I ate I ate too much or had that feeling that the one last bite I took was way too much. I know from many years of doing so that I really good at self sabotage. I knew that everything I had made to eat this week was portion controlled and with in the daily calorie intake that I have set up. I guess I have neglected to say how the weigh in went because what I am saying leads up to something my friend Alison said today in that we always expect the worse. I guess I am really guilty of that because all week I was sure I was going to be well over 280 which we all know is the number I hate. I hate all the numbers I have been at but 280 has always been a sore spot for me. So when I weighed in I was shocked to see I weighed 277. I had lost 3.4 lbs. I am now at the lowest weight I have been in 16 years. I know that isn't something to be commended but it is something that gives me hope. I am hoping I can lose 7 more pounds by the time we go to Mexico at the end of May.
 I had heard somewhere that there is no such things as will power and there is part of me that believes that. I know that I have a will and how I chose to use it gives me the power. I think it's funny that in the past I had chosen to use my lack of  "will power" as an excuse for being so over weight when the truth of the matter is I just hadn't chosen to use the power of my will to make the right choices consistently. I think that I let my mind control so much of these things that it affects my body. I know when I am working out the power of my will is controlled to the point that I feel I can't go on. I work out for 45minutes to an hour most days but sometimes just 20 minutes into it I feel like I am never going to make it. Again I know Biggest Loser is not a good way to gauge things but I keep thinking about how they work out 6-8 hours a day and it is never enough. I have always thought I was I would like to be on the show but I just know I would want to give up and I would be that person crying and saying I couldn't do it because now even after just an hour of working out I feel dead and I can't believe I have done it. Instead of feeling happy that I have done it I just keep thinking about what I haven't done and what I could do and should be doing. SELF SABOTAGE!!! I know I can lose the weight and I can do what I can do and what needs to be done but because I let my mind win I feel like it is never enough when I have to believe it is going to be enough.
 So 7 pounds by May 30th I know is doable!! I just know I have to really put the pedal to the medal now! If I can do that it will put me at a 30 lb weight loss. I know I can do it but I definitely need your prayers and support. I appreciate so much all that I have received from everyone. It is so cool to see how much people are really hoping I succeed and that means so much to me. So I will keep you up to date and I promise I am going to try to be better about posting on my blog. I keep saying every night I should post but then I just decide to go to sleep. Although they say you need 8 hours sleep to lose weight so I am trying to get as much as I can. SO keep up the prayers and support and I hope I have good news next week. Thanks again!!