I was always kind of naive when it came to alot of things. I know that the things I know now were things I would never thought possible. I can say I have played the naive card alot in the past. The one thing I know I haven't been naive about is how I got to this point. I do like to pretend I knew what I was doing, that I knew I was fat and that it was ok. Like I have said before I was always overweight and I remember when I was 100 lbs smaller and 20 years younger than I am now I thought I was huge and I thought then I could lose weight no problem. I was always confident and I did have men interested in me then but I didn't date anyone because I wasn't feeling attractive. IF I had only known then what I know now I wonder how things would have been different. I think its funny the things we thought before have changed. Now here I am looking back and thinking these things when the fact of the matter is I should be focusing on what could be. It seems so much easier to look back on what was then it is to look forward to what could be. I think I have gotten so set in thinking about what could be and what was, that I am having a hard time focusing on now.
I have had many thoughts running through my head in the last couple of weeks. I keep thinking about how I so easily give up on this whole losing weight thing in the past. How it would be nice to just go back to eating what I want and not going to the gym. I hate going to the gym. But then I think about what if I didn't think of all these things. Where would I be? Where would my son be? I know that the things I am changing and doing are for us. Today was kind of a milestone in my thinking and ways I can change. I made a goal today to go for an hour on the elliptical and do my weights too. I know that there are people who do this everyday, but I don't. This exercise thing is just something I can't get into. I never really liked it but I was able to do things more easily when I was younger and honestly alot lighter, but like all the things I am trying to do, changing how I feel about exercise is high on the list. I don't look forward to it but I am trying to look forward to how I am going to feel in a few months. I have tried to set small goals and each one so far has been met. Today was a huge one for me, I did the weights and then I did 1 hour on the elliptical. I have such a hard time even most of the time getting to 30-40 minutes but today I had decided it was time to go past my comfort zone. So I did.I still don't get it when people say they feel so good after exercise. Honestly the best part of the whole thing was the messages I got on Facebook. It makes me feel so good that people are so behind me. SO with this goal being met I am going to try to set a new goal. I am going to try to keep at an hour for a while and I am really hoping to be 30lbs down by my birthday (March 16th). Now the big worry is the scale tomorrow. I hope I have some results. I know people say it doesn't matter but the reality is that it does matter. So here's to goals and meeting them and hoping I can stick with this.
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