What people think...

I have always said I don't really care what people think but the reality is there isn't a person alive who hasn't thought about or considered what people may or may not think of them. I usually don't let how people look at me affect me, I know I am fat and I know I have alot to work on and I know sometimes my clothes have spots and I know enough about myself that I am pretty sure I have already said to myself most anything another person could be thinking about me. Where am I going you may ask? Well today as I was leaving the area where the elliptical is, I was sweating and still breathing heavy from my work out and I walked around the corner there was an older lady, not real old but older, sitting on one of the machines with weights and she looked at me and gave me this smile that said so many things. The first thing I thought of that she was thinking was "Oh poor fat girl" or "OH look another fat girl trying to meet her new years resolution" But the reality of it is I am sure she wasn't thinking any of those things!! She may have been thinking "Good for you trying to get healthy" or "Stick with it you can do it" But because I think I know how people are and what they are thinking. When I got in the car and I had already cast judgement on what she was thinking and based on where I was I really was mad. How dare her pity me or cast judgement on me at the "judgement free zone" and as the words were coming out of my mind I stopped and realized how was I any different. I was judging her for something that was probably pretty innocent. I dont' know but it really wasn't a reason for me to get all bent out of shape over something as silly as a smile because I was feeling my own insecurity's. So fat or skinny I guess we all feel the same way when someone looks at us. We can take it as it is or we can let our minds go crazy and make up all the things we are saying to ourselves. Because really the things I was thinking she was saying were really all the things I say to myself. I need to get past all that and realize that I am really trying to change my life.
 On another note I haven't had soda for a week. Everyone keeps asking why I am doing it and I honestly don't have an answer other than I wanted to see if I could do it. It's really hard. I think when it comes to food and soda I am really addicted to it. Sometimes I feel like I should have a sponsor. I went to Subway today and all I could think about while waiting for my sandwich was how much I wanted a soda. I didn't think it would be so bad. I have finally started sleeping alittle more and the dreams seemed to have stopped. I still have a caffeine free soda sitting on my dining room table. It is funny how you associate things with soda. I will say I don't wake up really wanting a diet coke whereas in the past the first thing I would do when I got up is get my glass of ice ready for my morning diet coke. I actually don't have tired lags during the day other than the fact I haven't been getting good sleep. But I think this is going to be an ongoing battle. I do so appreciate your encouragement. I really want this to be the time I truly change my lifestyle!!